How to Have Sex Dreams: Erotic Lucid Dreaming Explained

Three reasons behind sexual dreams

Sexual desire is complex and can be triggered by many different things. These triggers vary from person to person, and the same thing is true for sex dreams.

Learning more about your own sexuality and desires can help you understand what triggers your sexual desire, which activities you prefer during sex, and even how to have better orgasms.

Dreams are an important part of our daily experiences. Dreaming is a mental state that occurs while we sleep, and it can generate sensory and emotional responses. Some people believe that dreams can tell you something about a person’s conscious thoughts, although the true purpose of dreams hasn’t been established. Modern research has suggested that dreams play an important role in helping us regulate our emotions, fears, memories, and learning.

Waking up from a sex dream can be somewhat confusing, especially if it was about someone who you don’t consider particularly attractive in your waking life or if you don’t recognize the person in the dream for the moment until you meet them later on. If you’re in a relationship, it’s also possible — and normal — to dream about someone who isn’t your partner. Dreams like this don’t mean that anything is wrong with your relationship or that you’re necessarily attracted to someone else.

Being unsatisfied with your sex life

One possible cause for experiencing sexual dreams is being unsatisfied with your current sex life. An inactive or unsatisfying sex life can evoke sexual dreams in many people.

In this situation, your brain could use dreams as a way to compensate for sexual frustration. This isn’t uncommon, and it may be your brain’s way to create physical responses that help you release some of your frustration.

Feeling attracted to someone

Feeling physically or emotionally attracted to a person can also lead to erotic dreams. Sexual arousal can exist even when it’s not tied to a romantic relationship. 

Famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud theorized that dreams are caused by our brains seeking to fulfill certain wishes. He believed that this is why we experience sexual dreams that involve another person that we find attractive, even if it’s someone we don’t know personally (such as a celebrity).

Being interested in or admiring another person

It’s possible to have sex dreams about someone you admire or like as a person, without being sexually attracted to them. It’s normal and common to have sex dreams about someone you’re not attracted to, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Having sexual dreams about someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you have feelings for them in reality, or that you would like to explore a relationship with them. Erotic dreams aren’t always related to our conscious sexual desires, and sometimes they don’t even have anything to do with sex.

How to have sexual dreams

Many people have reported having orgasms while they sleep. During a sex dream, blood flow to your pelvic area increases, and you might experience physical arousal without waking up. In other cases, the sexual arousal and orgasm you experience when you sleep can wake you up.

It’s not always possible to induce sexual dreams, but there are certain techniques that you can try. If you want to have sex dreams more often, these strategies could help.

Visualize your ideal erotic dream or partner

Before going to bed, take a moment to imagine your ideal sex dream. Think about a partner who makes you feel sexually aroused, whether it’s someone you’re in a relationship with or somebody else. 

Then, imagine what you would like to do with that person. This can include any type of activity that triggers your sexual desire, such as kissing, a massage, or intercourse. Imagine the situation that would lead to this encounter and how you would like it to play out. You can even try orgasmic meditation to enhance your sexual arousal before sleeping.

You can also touch certain parts of your body — like your nipples, for example — or masturbate as you imagine this situation. This can increase your arousal levels and help you get in the mood for an erotic dream before falling asleep.

Create your perfect sex dream setup

Creating a sexy environment can go a long way in helping you induce sex dreams. It can be hard to feel sexy when your surroundings are less than arousing. It may be difficult to create an ideal environment every single day, but even small changes to your bedroom can help you feel extra sexy before going to bed.

Consider these steps to help you turn your bedroom into the perfect environment for a sex dream:

  • Wear your favorite pair of sexy pajamas or lingerie to bed. Make sure you feel comfortable wearing them and that they won’t hinder your sleep. Alternatively, wear nothing if it makes you feel sexier!
  • Change your sheets and place some fresh, soft linens on your bed. Clean sheets are always much more comfortable.
  • Play soft, romantic music before going to sleep.
  • Read an erotic novel if you’re having trouble coming up with your own sexual fantasies.
  • Make sure your bedroom is clean and organized since clutter can make you feel uncomfortable and distract you from erotic thoughts.
  • Involve your sense of smell by spraying a nice scent on your pillows or lighting a scented candle (just remember to blow it out before falling asleep!).

Keep a diary of your erotic fantasies

Keeping a journal that’s focused on your sexual fantasies, dreams, and experiences can greatly enhance your sex life. Writing these things down can help you keep these memories fresh so that you can recall them more easily. 

Keeping a sex journal can help you become more mindful about your desires and discover things that arouse you. This can come in handy when you want to reenact a fantasy or communicate your desires to a partner. 

Even if you don’t use this journal to trigger sex dreams, it can help you improve your sex life or masturbation techniques. By recording the things you like, you’ll find it easier to identify patterns and understand exactly what brings you sexual pleasure.

Do lucid sex dreams exist?

Lucid dreaming is when you are aware that you’re dreaming. In some lucid dreams, the dreamer can control aspects of the dream, such as the characters, environment, and what happens during the dream. 

People have been experiencing lucid dreaming for a very long time. In fact, this phenomenon has been recorded for thousands of years. However, it was only about 30 years ago that researchers were able to successfully prove the existence of lucid dreams in a scientific setting. Therefore, there is still a lot we don’t know about lucid dreams, including erotic ones.

In most cases, lucid dreams occur during a phase of sleep called rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. However, lucid dreaming can also occur during non-REM sleep. 

People who have reported having lucid sex dreams claim that they can feel just as arousing as real-life sex. Despite the fact that the sensations can feel realistic during a lucid erotic dream, sometimes dreamers find themselves enjoying situations that they wouldn’t necessarily want to recreate in real life.

It’s important to remember that there’s not enough evidence to confirm that the techniques commonly recommended to induce lucid sex dreams work in a consistent and reliable manner. Don’t be concerned if these techniques for having erotic dreams don’t work for you. 

However, these techniques are relatively simple, and there’s no harm in trying to induce these types of dreams. Even if they don’t work, they can still help you explore your own sexuality and become more aware of your desires. And if they do work, they could be a great way to spice up your sex life!


15 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

In the hustle and bustle of your daily grind, work dinners out, trying to balance a mix of reading Healthline and watching Criminal Minds reruns so you can actually sleep, following BeautyLeeBar on Twitter, and barely having time to drink your morning coffee in peace, sex doesn’t always feel like a priority. We don’t know how it happened, how watching one more episode on Netflix became more important than being with our partner under the sheets.

And when you do have sex, yeah, we’ve been there. It’s not nearly as fun as it used to be. But there are so many ways to easily change up your routine and make your sex life even better than it was when you first started. Here’s to having better sex tonight — you’re welcome.

1. Try Kegel exercises

If you’ve never heard of Kegels, you are so missing out. Kegels exercise the pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to more intense orgasms, stronger libido, and overall better sex. Finding your pelvic floor muscles by stopping urination midstream. Right there — those are the muscles we’re targeting! There are many different exercises, but the easiest (and least awkward) is to simply tighten your pelvic floor muscles, hold it for five to ten seconds, let it go, and then repeat five times. Do these every day, and in a few weeks, you’ll start to notice all of its amazing benefits.

2. Research and try something new

Do you have fantasies or sexual interests you’ve never discussed before? Now’s your time. Start by researching and deciding if this really is right for you, and then go ahead and ask your partner about it. Here’s how you can talk to your partner about trying something new in the bedroom.

3. Set the mood

There’s something so romantic about a dimly lit room with candles, bed made (even if it’ll be ruined soon!), and soft music playing. It sounds dumb, but it helps our bodies get even more relaxed. I’m going to say this a lot, so just remember: when you’re relaxed and in the moment, sex is bound to be a million times better.

4. Do yoga

Or any workout that makes you feel sexy and relaxed. For me, that’s yoga, but for you, it might be HIIT, running, or pilates. Do something every day that makes you feel good, so you can channel that when you get in the bedroom. Working out can also help you feel more confident about yourself, which in turn will make it easier for you to enjoy sex!

Exercise and physical activity can improve your sex life in many different ways. First of all, exercising increases your body’s levels of sex hormones and endorphins, boosting your mood and sexual drive.

Sex and health are inextricably linked: being healthy will increase your stamina, which is very important for a satisfying sex life. 

Eating foods packed with minerals, amino acids, antioxidants, and nutrients can benefit your overall health and boost your mood, so it’s no wonder that the right foods can raise your libido and improve your sexual performance.

A healthy diet for sex can include:

  • Meat or other protein sources
  • Nuts and seeds
  • Citrus fruits
  • Oysters
  • Salmon
  • Leafy greens
  • Carrots
  • Watermelon
  • Whole grains

Eating meals with your partner can also be healthy for your relationship. Mealtimes can unwind and strengthen bonds, and many couples take these moments to relax together.


5. Update your foreplay

Foreplay is more than just a precursor to sex. It gets your body excited and ready to enjoy this time with your partner. Try something new, such as an oil massage or playing a fun game. You don’t have to be naked to get excited for sex. Sex is just as much of a mental act as it is physical.

6. Implement gratitude

Your sex life can often be a large indicator of what’s going in your relationship. When you’re happy sexually, it’s pretty plausible that your relationship is, too. So, if your sex is suffering, find ways to improve communication and get closer to your partner. The easiest way to do this is to cultivate gratitude. Thank him or her for the little things, like doing the dishes or cooking even the simplest of weeknight dinners.

COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION – This might sound like an obvious tip, but it’s one of the easiest things to forget about. Our daily lives usually involve work, family, friends, and some stressful situations. Many times, we take our communication with our partner for granted.

In a relationship, it’s essential to keep an open communication on all matters, and sex is no exception. Couples who feel comfortable talking to each other will find it easier to discuss issues such as conflicting schedules, lack of privacy, and sexual preferences.

Something as common as stress can cause male sexual health problems, such as low libido and erectile dysfunction. In these cases, communicating with your partner in a respectful manner can help you both identify and solve any underlying issues.

7. Build anticipation

You know the feeling when your partner looks amazing, and you think about him or her all night, so by the time you get home, you are beyond ready? Try doing this on purpose every now and then. Get dressed last, and do your hair and makeup just in your bra and underwear.

8. Get out of the bedroom

The last thing we want in our sex lives is too much routine. The easiest way to break that is just simply getting out of the bedroom. You have an entire house or apartment — make use of it! Whether it’s in the shower (the slippery factor is a little difficult, but we believe in you!), the kitchen, the car (all those high school make-out memories), there’s a lot of options to get it on.

9. Use sex toys with your partner

Sex toys don’t just have to be for solo play! Whether you and your partner browse a store (or website!) together (great bonding time) or you pick something up to surprise him or her, there’s something out there for you both. Adding sex toys in your relationship can be a bit intimidating, but if you’re on the same page and don’t think into too much, it can be a great tool (literally) for getting you and your partner out of a rut.

10. Track your sex life

It’s easy to go a few weeks without even touching your partner if you both live very busy lives. Apps like Nice Sex Tracker and Clue (for period tracking) both have options to keep track in a calendar view of your sex life. If your stats dip, you know to start doing some of the other tricks above to boost them up! You can also totally use your planner or regular iCal for this, but you might want to come up with a code (a fun emoji, perhaps?!) if you’re afraid of other people seeing all the days you’ve had sex.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you need to talk about STDs with your sex partners. Feeling safe is a great booster for sexual desire, and the best way to feel safe during sex is knowing that you’re both healthy and free of STDs.

Don’t be afraid to ask your partner about their sexual history. Regardless of whether you have a steady partner or not, knowing that you’re both tested will give you peace of mind and allow you to enjoy sex fully.

Visit a women’s sexual health clinic to get tested.

11. Get enough sleep

Lack of sleep impacts the libido a lot. I mean, having sex when you’re exhausted doesn’t even sound fun at all. Yes, we want to have fun, but make sure you’re starting at a reasonable time, so you can have even more fun the next night.

12. Get some professional sexual health advice

If you suspect that there are deeper issues keeping you from fully enjoying sex, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor. Many medical conditions can cause a low sex drive or sexual dysfunction, from hormonal disorders to endometriosis.

Certain medications, such as oral contraceptives and antidepressants, can lower your libido. Your doctor will be the best person to help you pinpoint the source of any possible issues and how to fix them.

13. Take vitamins for sexual health

Have you ever thought about taking vitamins for your sexual health?

Different vitamins have different effects on our sex lives. Vitamin C can improve circulation, vitamin D has been shown to increase sex hormone levels, and it improves erectile and sexual dysfunction. 

Other supplements can also help your sex life. Zinc can improve sexual function and increase testosterone levels. The amino acid arginine can improve your blood circulation, which is essential for erections and sexual pleasure. Your doctor could recommend an L-citrulline supplement, which is converted to arginine by your body.

14. Use sexual health products

Many sexual health products can help you have a more enjoyable sex life. Many factors, such as age, stress, and contraceptives, can decrease a woman’s ability to lubricate. This can make sex uncomfortable, but using a lubricant can be an easy fix.

Nowadays, there are many types of lubricants available. If you’re using latex condoms, make sure to stay away from oil-based lubricants, as they can damage the latex and cause ruptures. Incorporating lubricants into your routine can make sex more comfortable and enjoyable for both of you.

In many cases, leading a healthy lifestyle, openly communicating with your partner, and taking your sexuality into your own hands can make a huge difference in the way you experience sex and your own body. So get to know yourself, be safe, and enjoy! 

15. Love yourself too

To have satisfying sex, you have to discover what you like in bed. Masturbating, whether you’re single or in a relationship, can be a very effective way to discover how to get aroused. It can also help be a healthy way to feel more comfortable with your body.

Another great way to discover what you like is by watching porn or reading erotic books. This can help you learn about different things you might be interested in; you can do this alone or with a partner, and it can even improve intimacy between you.

We talk a lot about body image, and it’s for a good reason. Feeling good about yourself improves more areas of your life than just your self-esteem, and it’s bound to improve your sex life significantly. Just think about it. If you could be naked with your partner and feel proud of your body, how much weight and stress that would lift off of your shoulders? It’s amazing, and it’s so underrated. If you need a little help getting there, no fear — we got you.

How do you help your sex life when you get stuck in a rut?! Let us know!


Looking to take a breather from Netflix and dive into a new book? Today the Hello Beauty team is sharing the reads we recommend adding to your quarantine activity list. We all need a little escape right now, whether it’s through a feel-good playlist or a new paperback—it’s the self-care rituals we incorporate in our daily routines that matter most for our mental health during this time. Sink into the books that caught our attention during the current pandemic, and let us know what you’re reading in the comments on Instagram.

Quick Background: Hogoè Elimiera has become our favorite person to follow and to read! Hogoè Elimiera is a BLACK FEMALE author and a model. Hogoè Elimiera is a college student and is from Lomé, Togo. Below are her amazing books where you can purchase from Amazon.

Painfully Numb Paperback ($8.78)

by Hogoè Elimiera (Author)

I’m dark-skinned before I am black.” Paperback ($6.90)

by Hogoè Elimiera (Author)

Rose Scented Scars Paperback ($8.03)

by Hogoè Elimiera (Author)

logically Depressed Paperback ($8.34)

by Hogoe Elimiera (Author)

Hey, lost child Paperback ($8.59)

by Hogoe Elimiera (Author)

Dear Me, Thank You For Existing Paperback ($5.38)

by Hogoè Elimiera (Author)

Dear Future Kids Paperback

by Hogoe kpessou (Author)

To my one-sided flutters Paperback ($6.00)

by Hogoè Elimiera (Author)

Too me to be human, Too human to be me Paperback

by Hogoe Elimiera (Author)

Check Hogoe Elimiera Instagram out and let us know in the comments what other book recommendations we should read next! Thank you for reading and welcome to the family xx.



5 Things You Didn’t Know About Black Women’s Hair

Hair. We all have it, but, for Black women, hair is much more than just what grows out of our heads and keeps us warm. Our hair is love, culture, and language. It’s how we express ourselves and communicate with the world around us about who we are and what we are about. The doing and undoing of Black hair is a cultural rite of passage. Black people are able to create and maintain a sense of community with one another simply through our hair. While our hair is understood by those who are a part of our community, it can be a source of confusion for those who aren’t. In an effort to bridge cultural gaps, I’d like to make sure that some things are well understood about Black women and our hair.

1. First and foremost, sis—DO NOT TOUCH IT.

I can’t stress this enough. Do not touch a Black woman’s hair without permission first. On a personal level, it’s incredibly invasive and rude to physically assert yourself in someone’s personal space without asking. How would you if a total stranger or random co-worker were to invade your personal space for the sake of satisfying their own curiosity? Would you not feel reduced and devalued if someone decided to follow their urge to wrap their fingers in unfamiliar territory? It’s weird at best, and dehumanizing at least. A Black woman’s hair is not your personal exploratorium. When our hair is touched without permission, we feel violated and devalued, because at that moment we are not seen as human, but as objects. As women, I’m sure many of us know how that feels. It’s incredibly frustrating for someone to totally disregard your personal agency and autonomy just so they can satisfy themselves. I’m all for non-Black people educating themselves and increasing their cultural competence, but a Black woman’s scalp is not your hands-on classroom. 

2. Our “carefree” styles take a lot of time. 

Contrary to popular belief, Black women are not out here summoning the energy of Queen Bey and rising from the bed with the same ability as the almighty Beyonce; we did not wake up like this! I know our afros are super cute. I know our curly styles are to die for but hear me out: these styles are a labor of love. Heavy emphasis on labor. Our “afros” are perfectly styled with the labor and intention of a small army. These “carefree” styles take a lot of time, effort, and product. Have you ever heard of a thing called “wash day”?? It’s literally a day that Black women with natural hair dedicate to detangling our tresses and perfectly styling our manes. Wash day takes several hours, if not a full day. Our world stops as we take the time to allow ourselves or someone else to help us look our best. My last set of braids took 6 hours. My wash day (once a week) is at least five hours long, and this does not include the time it takes to dry my hair, which if left to its own devices, takes at least 36 hours to fully dry without the use of a dryer. When’s the last time you had to take an entire day just to wash your hair?

3. Black girl hair is magic. 

No one can shapeshift like a Black woman. We can switch styles with ease. Long, flowing locks on Monday, braids on Tuesday, a wig on Wednesday, an afro on Thursday, and a sleek bun on Friday. Our hair can withstand a lot of manipulation and has the strength to hold a lot of different styles. If you personally know a Black woman, I’m sure you’ve been befuddled a time or two by the way we can change our look. If you see a Black woman who’s switched the style up, don’t be baffled. Black hair is magic. Our tight, shrunken curls can stretch out to two or three times their curled length when pulled. Our hair can go from perfectly coiled at ear length to mid-back with just a little pull.

4. Black hair is political. 

Historically and currently, Black people have been policed about our hair and how it naturally grows from our heads, especially in professional environments. If you google “unprofessional hairstyles,” you’ll see a large number of Black and Brown people with their beautiful curls. To this day, Black people can be fired for wearing their hair in natural styles instead of adhering to a white beauty standard. I’m not bringing this up to be radical, I’m bringing this up to show how absurd it is for the world to deem Black people’s natural hair as problematic, unkempt, or unprofessional. The language surrounding that is intentional. The impact and implications of that are as intentional and harmful. 


5. Black hair is love. 

Our hair is love. It’s culture. It’s how we communicate who we are and who we belong to. Our hair is complex and wild, but it is our pleasure to don. Black hair unites Black people. We rely on each other to care for it, style it, and share in the labor of loving on it. I can’t tell you how many good conversations have been had while in my stylist chair or how many family recipes and secrets my mother divulged while she braided my hair. 

When you see our hair, just know you’re looking at our culture. It’s more than a head full of curls. It’s more than very neat braids. It’s an expression of our culture and who we are. You are looking at what makes us so beautifully unique.

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