RED FLAGS on Dating Apps

Before I address red flags to look out for on the dating apps, I invite you to store them in a little closet of your brain, once you’ve been made aware of them.

So often, I see clients focusing too much on red flags in their search for love, versus focusing on the person they are looking for.  

This is easy to do, as there are a plethora of interesting characters on the apps, but when you’re primarily focused on what isn’t working, you’ll continue to attract creepy weirdos asking for more bikini shots until you shift into an authentic mindset that sets you up to be open and ready for Mr. Right.

Red flags are important to pay attention to, but don’t let them take over what could be a fun process with your potential partner at your literal fingertips. 

Finally, don’t take red flags so personally or seriously. If you connect with someone you were intrigued by, but ultimately, the person didn’t demonstrate much interest in return, in the words of Ariana Grande, “Thank you, NEXT!”

Red flags don’t have to be perceived as some major problem.

They are signs to help keep your eye on the prize of finding someone who’s perfect for you, and not get sucked in by chemistry and outlandish words with no follow-through on actions, which leads me to …

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Red Flag #1:  

He’s demonstrating pen-pal vibes over wanting to meet in person.  

I think I’m being generous when I say that if he doesn’t ask you out within 72 hours of connecting, BOY BYE. You’re not looking for a pen pal. You’re looking for a partner. Him asking how your day was, without caring to meet in person, isn’t enough.

Red Flag #2:  

He avoids or deflects when you ask him out.  

It’s 2021, ladies. I’m not above making the initial move if it feels organically right to you. But if he’s coming up with excuses, or doesn’t rise to the occasion to meet, while still touching base to say an occasional, innocuous “hey,” you ain’t got time for that. 

Red Flag #3:  

He has nothing written on his profile.

I have to laugh and be honest here because the love of my life had zero words on his profile, but I was intrigued by his good looks and kind eyes, so I swiped right anyway, out of curiosity to find out more. The only reason I conceded the lack of info on his profile was because he immediately engaged with me, volunteered his first and last name, asked questions about myself, and made it clear on the first evening we connected that he wanted to meet in person. So, swipe right on an empty profile at your discretion, but if you have to continue to guess his interest or what he’s looking for, once you start to engage, unmatch. In general, I think putting effort into what you say about yourself and who you’re looking for in that teeny writing space shows that you’re taking the dating process seriously, but as I always say, there are exceptions to every rule.

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Red Flag #4: 

He doesn’t ask questions about you.

Seriously, this just isn’t too hard. When someone is interested, he will ask questions about you. They don’t have to be crazy deep questions, but they also don’t have to be lame and surface-level. You have to suck it up a little bit with basic Q’s when you’re first connecting—like, “How long have you lived in Miami?”—to get a good flow going, but if you’re feeling a fun, flirty, and witty vibe, look for him to be making just as much effort to get to know you, as you are him.

Red Flag #5:  

He jumps straight to asking you out without a warm-up exchange.

Matching on a dating app doesn’t always mean you should ultimately go out. Let’s feel each other out a little bit before the abrupt ask. Sure, it’s nice to not beat around the bush, but there’s a finesse that can tend to go out the window on these apps. Ask me a question about myself. Let’s see if there’s a good vibe going before jumping the gun and locking down a time. Am I sounding like Goldilocks a little bit? YES! Don’t ask out too soon, but don’t become pen pals either.

Red Flag #6:  

His profile says what you should and shouldn’t be.

He has this small amount of space and he’s telling you things like, “No drama. Be funny. You need to be ambitious.” LAME! Tell me who you are and what kind of relationship you’re looking for. Don’t tell me who I need to be for you. Also, his definition of funny could be different from yours. Overall, I see this as a sloppy, entitled approach, and this heartbreak/finding-love coach has no time for it. 

Again, all of the above should be taken into consideration, but don’t let red flags be at the forefront of your mind while swiping on the apps, because it’s always your thoughts that create your results—not the dating apps.

If you’re thinking you need to keep your eye out for red flags, more than keep your eye out for Mr. Right, your results will consistently be more red flags.  

Happy swiping!

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Claire Byrne is a heartbreak/finding-love coach, and the host of her podcast, Stop Wanting Him Back & Find Someone Better. Click here for more information on her group program.

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Embracing Your KINKIER SIDE

No kink-shaming, we’re so past the days of (safe) sexual fantasies feeling taboo. Here’s the deal, it’s common (and normal) to have a little kink in you—how it’s defined and the level of it is different for everybody, of course.

If you enjoy rough foreplay or wild sex, there’s no need to have shame around it. You may not even realize you’re kinkier than the average person until you’re with a new partner, or, on the flip side, you may discover additional desires as you get older. It’s natural that as we mature and gain sexual experience, we learn what we like and want in the bedroom. 

First and foremost, when exploring the world of kink, the two most important things are communication and consent. So once you’re on the same page with your partner, here are some tips to incorporate kinky behavior in your sexual relationship.

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Be expressive. 

Say exactly what you want or describe your fantasy to your partner. If you need some ideas, watch a movie or film with a tasteful and steamy sex scene. Or ask your close friends for some tips. Even something small like finding an unusual position could be considered kinky to some. Plus, it’s so hot to surprise your partner with a new move under the sheets (or wherever you prefer to get it on). 

Be open.

Keep the dialogue open with your partner. Even if you’re not 100% sure you want to try something, share your curiosity. If you say your vision out loud and have a conversation about it, you’ll feel more comfortable possibly exploring it the next time you’re hooking up. 

And be open when your partner shares their desires as well (given you’re comfortable with what they want to do). Try not to judge if it’s something you’re not used to. Instead, say “I’ve never done that, and I’ll have to think about if I want to go there.” As we mentioned earlier, everybody has different deeds that turn them on, and there’s no reason to make your partner feel weird for vocalizing them. Just kindly say you’re not into trying it. 

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Set and define your limits. 

With any act under the BDSM family, it’s important to set hard and soft boundaries. Sexual scenarios that you’re open to exploring or curious about could fall under your soft boundaries list. Whereas anything you consider off-limits would be on your hard boundaries list. Also, be sure to pick a safe word before entering the rougher side of the kink. 

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

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Beauty Q and A: Should I Use a Lip Scrub Before Applying Lipstick?

Chapped lips can make it difficult to get a flawless lipstick application. For a soft, smooth canvas, a lip scrub is a must-have. To find out just how and why to incorporate lip scrubs into your lip routine, we talked to Sara Happ, lip expert and founder of the eponymous brand. Read on for her tips so you can start swiping on the hottest summer lip colors with ease.

The Benefits of Using a Lip Scrub

 “Using a lip scrub gives you smooth lips that make a great base for lipstick to adhere to,” Happ says. A scrub is especially key if you’re wearing a matte liquid lipstick, like the L’Oréal Infallible Pro-Matte Liquid Lipstick, which can emphasize texture if you don’t exfoliate.  

To ensure safe use, you want to make sure you’re scrubbing your lips with products that are built to smooth and moisturize your pout. “Avoid using scrubs with ingredients that could hurt your lips — such as bits of almonds or other sharp materials,” Happ says. Look for nourishing oils, like jojoba and almond, with sugar to exfoliate, like the Sara Happ The Lip Scrub in Pink Grapefruit.

Sara Happ The Lip Scrub in Pink Grapefruit

How to Use a Lip Scrub

To properly use a lip scrub, massage the product onto dry lips with your fingers, then wipe away flakes with a tissue. Follow up with a moisturizing lip balm to prevent lips from drying out.

Happ recommends using a scrub every day to help “maintain healthy, smooth lips even throughout harsh weather or travel.” It’s important to note, however, that you should be mindful of avoiding irritation. “Don’t scrub cracked or bleeding lips,” Happ notes. Instead, use a product like The Lip Slip Gloss to help rehydrate. “Once they’re healthy again, start scrubbing every day,” she explains. Scrubbing cracked lips will make them worse, which is why it’s important to make sure they are moisturized beforehand.

Upgrade Your Selfie Game With These Editor-Approved Ring Lights

Whether you’re trying to upgrade your selfie quality or want the best light possible for filming makeup tutorials, ring lights should be on your radar. The perfect addition to every vanity, ring lights cast an even light onto your face, reduce shadows, illuminate your eyes and even minimize the look of blemishes. There are plenty of ring lights out there— each with different functions and lighting options — making it tricky to figure out which one is best for you. To make it easier, we’ve narrowed down our favorite ring lights on Amazon, ahead. 

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UBeeSize 12’’ Ring Light with Tripod

Never worry about bad lighting again. With this ring light, you can choose between five color temperatures and 10 brightness levels to find the best possible lighting for video calls, interviews, vlogs and makeup tutorials. 

ring-lights

Riki Skinny Light Vanity Makeup Mirror

Although it’s on the pricier side, this mirror has received the praises of celebs, makeup artists and beauty gurus for a reason: it’s magnifying mirror ensures flawless makeup application every single time. Plus, the lighting can’t be beat.

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Neweer Selfie Ring Light 

Filming how-to videos and TikToks has never been so easy. This portable ring light provides top-notch lighting wherever you go and even has a clamp to hold your phone for hands-free recording. 

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AIXPI LED Ring Light

With its own height-adjusting tripod that rotates 360 degrees, this ring light offers optimal lighting at every angle.

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Yarrashop Ring Light Stand and Phone Holder

Don’t let poor lighting wash out your complexion on screen. Shop this desktop ring light complete with adjustable brightness levels and lighting will never be an issue again.

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