7 THINGS You’re Probably Forgetting Before a Date

Modern dating is one of the single people circles of hell, and this is a hill we will die on. But since it’s a thing that many people do, us included, we thought we’d try to make the process a bit better by sharing some hard-won tips. Here, are seven things you’re probably forgetting before a date.

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3 good convo starters

Statistically speaking the conversation will, at some point, peter off into an awkward silence. Have a few things at the ready to help resuscitate it. 

An easy out

In case those convo starters don’t work. Or your date brings up NFTs. 

A razor

Raise your hand if you’re part of the “decided to forgo shaving before a date as a deterrent to sleeping with said date, but it didn’t stop you and now you’re in their bathroom using a questionable razor you found on the counter as quickly as possible, so they don’t think you’re pooping” crew. (JK, but not really.)

Tell someone where you are

Because ending up on an episode of Dateline is not the endgame here. 

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A phone that’s not at 10 percent battery 

A gentle reminder to charge your phone! 

Focus on whether or not you like them

Not whether or not they like you. 

Your chill

See above tip. Also, this is especially applicable on a first date—as clichéd as it is, try not to put so much pressure on the date.

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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“BLB”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

Signs of  SMALL DICK ENERGY

Big dick energy—we all know that term (when someone’s presence just oozes with confidence). It’s hot and you either have it or you don’t. It’s not something you can fake. On the flip side, there is small dick energy (SDE). Which, yes, is the opposite: when someone acts like a tool out of insecurity issues. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having insecurities, everyone has some level of them. It’s how you carry and cope with the lack of uncertainty that can make a person fall into the SDE club.  

Small dick energy is all flex with no skill or facts to back it up. Need some examples? We’ve got you with a list of habits the BeautyLeeBar team considers to be SDE. Disclaimer: it’s not just in men, women can have this type of energy too. 

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

When he has to tell you how XYZ is hitting him up non-stop (insecure, much?). 

When he talks about how much he’s worth (like his bank account). “I had a guy who kept telling me he was so rich and if I dated him I’d be able to travel in style. I was like, ‘Thanks. I can also just buy my first-class ticket. Byeeee.’” – BeautyLeeBar team member 

When he talks bad about his ex (he’ll do the same to you). 

When you ask a guy a serious question about the nature or future of your relationship and he deflects/doesn’t answer (be an adult and answer). 

When he ghosts you. Someone with BDE would tell you straight up that they aren’t interested because that’s the mature thing to do. An SDE person doesn’t have the balls to say it, they simply ignore and leave you in the dust. 

When he brags about literally anything but can never back it up. 

When he’s intimidated by your job or work ethic. “I had someone tell me, ‘I typically only date girls who don’t have jobs, and I feel like you work a lot.’” – BeautyLeeBar team member 

When he’s incredibly indecisive and changes his mind all the time, including how he feels about you. Stringing you along much? We’ve got no time for that. 

When he mansplains. Enough said. 

When he’s controlling. This one screams insecure and you should run, not walk, away from this relationship/person.

When he asks the price of items on the menu at a nice restaurant. Steer clear of a pricey place if it’s not in your budget. Nothing’s sexier than owning the fact that you need to save money, and making responsible spending decisions. If you’re trying to save, pick a cool spot that’s in your budget to avoid feeling uncomfortable and nervous about the bill.

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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

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What Type of  EX ARE YOU?

Breakups come with a boatload of mixed feelings, from sadness to acceptance and in some cases even a sense of relief. No matter how you slice it, the end of a relationship is a time to reflect, reset your needs, and home in on finding your true happiness. How you perceive the breakup will also set the stage for the type of ex you’ll become. Will you hold a grudge? Will you let go and be able to remain friends? Ahead, we’re highlighting the common types of exes. Read on to find out which one fits your (ex) relationship situation.

The Friend

In this case, the breakup was most likely mutual. Maybe you both decided the relationship just wasn’t fulfilling, or a reasonable amount of time has passed to where you no longer harvest pain, negative feelings, or even memories. Being able to rebuild your friendship is the best-case scenario.

The Ghost

Everyone handles the end of a relationship differently. In this case, you may just feel like disappearing completely. Maybe your ex has moved on faster than you expected, or you love the idea of “out of sight, out of mind.” Regardless, you can run from a situation, but the pain will still be there when you get back.

The Over-analyzer

If you find yourself always replaying conversations and memories in your head, losing sleep rehashing things you or your ex could have done better, you may be an over-analyzer. The most important part of moving on is acceptance, so if you’re always anxious about what could have been, you may never move on. Trust that what’s meant for you will always find its way back, and leave it at that.

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The Lesson Learner

No two people are going to view their relationship the same, and that applies to a breakup as well. You’ve probably taken bits and pieces of the relationship and learned from them. Whether it’s mistakes or highlights, you try to view everything as a learning experience. In hindsight, you could’ve also taught your ex things they may carry into every relationship they may have.

The One That Got Away Mindset

This doesn’t always happen, but in many cases, you or your ex may regret how things ended. Whether it takes a new relationship to miss the previous one, or you both just needed space, you’ll never forget the love you had for each other. Maybe things didn’t end how you wanted, but you always hold hope you’ll find your way back to each other.

The Angry Mood

Being the angry, spiteful ex will drain you more than anything. Maybe you’re in pain, or you can’t stand the thought of your ex being happy without you, but a vindictive person will drown in their negativity. You will never be happy if you wish upon someone else’s downfall. Take the hurt and grow from it.

The Team Player

A team player is someone who may feel like they’re not strong enough to do life on their own without co-depending on another person. You may feel like you need them to reach your goals or success. Maybe you’re used to having someone constantly cheering you on, but at the end of the day, the only person you have to rely on is yourself. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you cannot reach any type of success without having that faith in yourself. Give yourself the validation you need.

Mikayla Hunt is editor-in-chief of PopGabble.com, featuring topics such as lifestyle, interviews, wellness, and fashion. In the last six years, she’s done extensive editorial work with major publications all over the country and currently works with brands in content creation. Mikayla’s work reflects her deep passion for words, people, and finding joy in every waking moment. Follow her on Instagram @_mikaylahunt_.

ARE THESE RED FLAGS Hiding in Your Relationship?

Think of red flags in relationships like being “written up” at school or work. Being written up is not always a fireable offense, but it is something to pay attention to and course correct for a successful, productive experience. In the same way, not all red flags in a relationship mean you need to leave your partner and re-download a dating app. Identifying red flags, however, is a very useful tool for creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

So, what are red flags in relationships, and how do we look for them? No worries, you don’t need to consult Google for this one. Let’s take this quiz and see what’s up in your relationship.

*Does your partner bring you joy?

Yes or No

Most of us have hobbies, interests, and activities that bring us joy and make our lives feel purposeful, fun, and worth sharing. The more joy we have, the more joy we have to bring into our relationships. For example, going to cycling classes makes me feel strong and happy and relieves my anxiety. When I come home to my partner after a good cycling class, I am more likely to let my happiness spill into my interactions with him, adding to the quality of our connection. SoulCycle for the win.

On the other hand, if I’m not intentional about participating in activities that add to my quality of life, then I am less likely to have the joy to bring back to my relationships. What a buzzkill, right?

*Does your partner bring value to the relationship?

Yes or No

When you ask someone in a healthy relationship about their partner, I promise their response will never be, “They just exist around me and that’s enough.” People in healthy relationships add value to each other’s lives.

It’s 2020—we don’t have time to waste on relationships that don’t serve a purpose. For example, my partner is very logical, and I am very creative. I help him explore creativity in a way he hasn’t experienced before, and he keeps me grounded and logical when my emotions like to take me for a ride.

The best way to measure this in your relationship is by imagining life without your partner. What’s missing? What are they able to teach you or how do they support you?

*Does your partner support your individuality?

Yes or No

Adding value to your relationship is key to success, but it is hard to do if your relationship doesn’t include space for individuality. I’m sure we have all heard the phrase “opposites attract,” and to an extent, that’s true. But the catch is opposite personality types can’t exist in harmony unless they still get to entertain those opposite interests that brought them together in the first place.

When we aren’t allowed space to be different in our relationships, we may begin to lose touch with our identity and then begin resenting our partner for “robbing” that from us. So no, doing everything together doesn’t make you stronger; in fact, it may be adding unnecessary tension. Your “me time” is this love doctor’s prescription for this red flag.

*Does your partner admit fault?

Yes or No

Speaking of tension, nothing is more infuriating than dealing with a partner who can recognize the good and not the bad. Even the perfect partner for you is human and has flaws. And while contributing positivity to the relationship is important, being able to recognize fault and resurrect it is equally important.

Sure, my cycling classes help me bring joy home to my man, his diverse interests add value to my life, and he supports my love for sex education and tap dancing. But none of that matters if when he washes the white clothes with the dark clothes he can’t admit that he made a mistake.

Sounds silly? Of course, it does. But if he can’t admit something as simple as a laundry mishap, what other obstacles in your relationship will your partner not take accountability for, and how will that affect your quality of life?

*Does your partner speak your apology language?

Yes or No

Surely you’ve read all about Gary Chapman’s love languages and understanding who is the best match for you based on how you receive love. So now, you’re an expert on love languages. But what about apology languages?

Just like being with someone who speaks your love language is important to feel loved and celebrated by your partner, being with someone who speaks your apology language is important to feel valued and respected. Admitting fault is important and is a great first step, but some people need more than that. For example, if my partner upsets me, I need him to not only apologize but also resolve the initial problem. For example, if my partner truly did wash the whites and the darks together, it wouldn’t feel resolved unless he took initiative to undo his mistake.

Having a partner who can correct conflict with you in a way that you can receive as resolved brings us back to the importance of the first question. Lingering resentment takes away from the joy that can be poured into one another. Therefore, a partner who is willing to learn what “making things right” feels like for you is mandatory for a healthy relationship.

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Congratulations! You made it through the quiz. Did your relationship pass the test?

If you got mostly yeses, congratulations, it seems you have a solid foundation for a beautiful relationship! Keep up the good work.

If you got a mix of yeses and nos, no worries. Now you are aware of some things to communicate with your partner about and work on together.

If you got mostly nos, it doesn’t mean you need to ghost your partner, but this is a great call inward to address some of the red flags in your relationship and work on building a stronger foundation together using the above guidelines.

Red flags typically have a reputation for being warning signs to jump ship. But as we have seen throughout this quiz, red flags, when identified and addressed correctly, can be helpful tools to create a stronger bond.

What red flags are hiding in your relationship, and what will you do about them?

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Autumn Morris is a Certified Intimacy Educator who works to help curious humans connect love, sex, intimacy, and life in 2020. Kind of like Dr. Ruth meets TikTok.

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